Thursday, February 26, 2009

Everything I ever needed to know I learned from Marvel comics...

Lessons learned from a lifetime of reading Marvel comics.

  • If Galactus lands on Earth, find another planet to live on. Preferably in another galaxy.
  • If relocating to another galaxy is not feasible, stand close to Mister Fantasic. He usually has a good idea.
  • Matt Murdock is secretly Daredevil. If you are female, do not agree to meeting him for coffee, go dancing, date, marry or in any other way associate with him. You will die.
  • If you are not female, Matt Murdock is a talented lawyer. If you are in need of good, sharp legal advice, he's your man. He rarely loses a case.
  • Working for Stark Enterprises is rewarding, but fraught with the difficulties, such as things being blown up by supervillains. Iron Man is usually on the scene, but inevitably some exploding will precede his arrival. Read the insurance waivers in your contract carefully.
  • Spider-Man's Aunt May has had several life threatening conditions and has been pronounced dead at least once. This does not appear to have affected her health insurance premiums.
  • All Superheroes feel sufficiently confident in their bodies to wear skintight costumes for a large part of the day.
  • Although several thousand superheroes come from America, only three come from Ireland. All sound like they auditioned for the movie Darby O'Gill and the Little People. They do, so they do Boyo.
  • Male friends of Matt Murdock run an above average risk of being stabbed. By ninjas.
  • If a man with a spikey haircut and claws sticking out of his hands arrives in a bar, leave. Don't be rude, finish your drink...but leave.
  • The prefix Doctor does not guarantee that the person attended and/or graduated from medical school. Therefore it is not recommended to ask Doctor Doom to look at your bunions or ask Doctor Octopus to perform a pelvic exam.
  • The prefix Captain does not guaratee that the holder served in the military (Captain Universe/Captain America).

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